Top 100 Funny Whatsapp Status in English with Images & Pictures

Funny Whatsapp Status in English: Now This Collection Will Loved By Many People, We Have Selected All The Best Funny Status Quotes. Best Funny Status for Whatsapp in One Line, Funny Quotes for Whatsapp Status, Funny Whatsapp Status for Girls/Boys.

Funny Whatsapp Status in English

701. Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

702. It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.

703. It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

704. I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

705. I do not care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I will laugh because they will probably be funny.

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706. If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.

707. Electricity is really just organized lightning.

708. I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

709. I have not spoken to my wife in years. I did not want to interrupt her.

710. Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

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711. I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

712. You are only as good as your last haircut.

713. Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

714. I never said most of the things I said.

715. It's funny how most people love the dead, once you are dead, you are made for life.

716. Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I am being funny, but I am reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we are going down the tube.

717. I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

718. Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, it's really how it works.

719. I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them.

720. I am writing a book. I have got the page numbers done.

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721. One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute.

722. I am writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

723. I have never been hurt by what I have not said.

724. A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

725. By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.

726. If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one.

727. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

728. The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

729. Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

730. Life would be tragic if it were not funny.

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731. All men are equal before fish.

732. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

733. Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.

734. I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

735. If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.

736. The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.

737. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this was not it.

738. This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

739. One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening.

740. I know my strong points: I work hard, I have talent, I am funny, and I am a good person.

741. I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.

742. We are all born mad. Some remain so.

743. The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

744. My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

745. Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.

746. Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they are down, and when they are having a good time, I can carry on the joke.

747. Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help.

748. It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.

749. Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

750. It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.

751. The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

752. Try to find someone with a sense of humor. That's an important thing to have because when you get into an argument, one of the best ways to diffuse it is to be funny. You do not want to hide away from a point, because some points are serious, but you would rather have a discussion that was a discussion, rather than an argument.

753. All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

754. I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

755. I love fools' experiments. I am always making them.

756. If I had to live my life again, I would make the same mistakes, only sooner.

757. Turn up the lights. I do not want to go home in the dark.

758. A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

759. It sounds funny, but my biggest fear is that I am not perfect. I am a perfectionist, and I get upset when things go wrong or when I do not do well.

760. I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
761. A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

762. You can lead a man to Congress, but you cannot make him think.

763. The funny thing is, I am so used to not caring what anyone says, good or bad, that unfortunately even when people say good things. I wish it made me feel good, but it does not.

764. If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk.

765. Do not talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

766. Too much agreement kills a chat.

767. Chaos in the midst of chaos is not funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.

768. The best measure of a man's honesty is not his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.

769. When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.

770. Only the mediocre are always at their best.

771. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we do not know where the hell she is.

772. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

773. If you do not mind, it does not matter.

774. I am not funny. What I am is brave.
775. I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

776. I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand.

777. I love mankind; it's people I cannot stand.

778. I wear a necklace, because I want to know when I am upside down.

779. Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.

780. If at first you do not succeed so much for skydiving.

781. I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

782. Why do not you get a haircut. You look like a chrysanthemum.

783. Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

784. Housework cannot kill you, but why take a chance.

785. Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.

786. I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.

787. I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

788. If you text 'I love you' to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they do not love you back.

789. Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

790. I am now making a Jewish porno film. 10 percent sex, 90 percent guilt.

791. My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they do not really know me.

792. I wish I could turn back the clock, I could find you sooner and love you longer.

793. Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.

794. My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

795. Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

796. Love is a lot like a backache, it does not show up on X-rays, but you know it's there.

797. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

798. Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

799. If you can stay in love for more than two years, you are on something.

800. Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.

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Funny Whatsapp Status in English

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Top 100 Funny Status for Whatsapp in One Line - Hand-picked By Admin!

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Funny Status for Whatsapp in One Line

601. There are only two places in the world where time takes precedence over the job to be done: school and prison.

602. School is learning things you don't want to know, surrounded by people you wish you didn't know, while working toward a future you don't know will ever come.

603. It's easier to floss with barbed wire than admit you like someone in middle school.

604. School is one long illness with symptoms that switch every five minutes so you think it's getting better or worse. But really it's the same thing for years and years.

605. I said school starts tomorrow. I didnít say I was going to be there.

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606. As long as algebra is taught in school, there will be prayer in school.

607. You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.

608. Schools kill time and creativity. Find ways to work around these limitations.

609. You send your child to the schoolmaster, but 'tis the schoolboys who educate him.

610. In recalling their school years, students mostly remember their teachers, and not the courses they took.

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611. My parents didnít want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and thatís the law.

612. School days, I believe, are the unhappiest in the whole span of human existence.  

613. A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.

614. Just because you canít dance doesnít mean you shouldnít dance.

615. If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.

616. Every time you stop a school, you will have to build a jail. What you gain at one end you lose at the other. It's like feeding a dog on his own tail. It won't fatten the dog.

617. Thereís no ìIî in denial.

618. I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.

619. There is nothing on earth intended for innocent people as horrible as a school.

620. How come you never see a headline like ìPsychic Wins Lotteryî?

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621. The most important thing we learn at school is the fact that the most important things can't be learned at school.

622. No school without spectacular eccentrics and crazy hearts is worth attending.

623. If con is the opposite of pro, then isnít Congress the opposite of progress?

624. When I say I miss school, I mean my friends and the fun. Not the school.

625. I bought one of those tapes to teach you Spanish in your sleep. During the night, the tape skipped. Now I can only stutter in Spanish.

626. At what age do you think itís appropriate to tell ?a highway itís adopted?

627. A child educated only at school is an uneducated child.

628. The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.

629. A hotel minibar allows you to ?see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020.

630. School is practice for future life, practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect, so why practice?

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631. Hate to break it to you, ?Facebook, but the entire Internet ?is already a Dislike button.

632. Thereís nothing simpler than avoiding people you donít like. Avoiding oneís friends, thatís the real test.

633. In school they told me Practice makes perfect. And then they told me Nobody's perfect, so then I stopped practicing.

634. How can you ever be late for anything in London? They have ?a huge clock right in the middle ?of the town.

635. Try an internship! Internships give you all the experience of a summer job without the hassle of a pay check.

636. You can't learn in school what the world is going to do next year.

637. Hereís some advice: At a job ?interview, tell them youíre willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.

638. And every six months, she would trade in her aging sheep for a new one. Because without a little lamb, Mary didnít know who she was.

639. In school one learns to ask stupid questions of life.

640. Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as a cat does.

641. There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She got her own TLC show. The end.

642. School means work and work means death. Let's all go take a nap.

643. We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon.

644. Sometimes I think war is Godís way of teaching us geography.

645. We all learn by experience but some of us have to go to summer school.

646. Whoever named ?it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.

647. My kitchen floor is sticky, and ?I had to do something about it. So finally I went out and bought some slippers.

648. You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.

649. General Mills ?is coming out with an organic Twinkie. Isnít that called a sponge?

650. You know itís time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

651. As long as teachers give tests, there will always be prayer in schools.

652. Does it disturb anyone else that ìThe Los Angelesî baseball team translates directly to ìThe Angelsî?

653. Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.

654. Show me the man who enjoyed his schooldays and I will show you a bully and a bore.  

655. I donít know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighbourhood kids.

656. I got my hair highlighted because I thought some strands were more important than others.

657. School is the advertising agency which makes you believe that you need the society as it is.  

658. Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. Thatís for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.

659. Christmas is a baby shower that ?went totally ?overboard.

660. The trouble with school is they give you the answer, then they give you the exam. That's not life.

661. From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

662. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

663. Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

664. Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.

665. Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I am kind of funny about making new friends.

666. Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

667. If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you would not sit for a month.

668. It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.

669. Smoking kills. If you are killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

670. The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

671. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

672. There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

673. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

674. Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.

675. What's another word for Thesaurus.

676. If two wrongs do not make a right, try three.

677. I am quite sarcastic, and I'm funny, but not kind of funny. It's a weird funny, and some people do not get me, and some people do.

678. Be thankful we are not getting all the government we are paying for.

679. If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

680. Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

681. I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

682. You cannot really be strong until you see a funny side to things.

683. We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it was not for him, we would be watching television by candlelight.

684. People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.

685. I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

686. We are supposed to enjoy the good stuff now, while we can, with the people we love. Life has a funny way of teaching us that lesson over and over again.

687. My life needs editing.

688. It's funny what memory does, is not it? My favorite holiday tradition might not have happened more than once or twice. But because it is such a good memory, so encapsulating of everything I love about the holidays, in my mind it happened every year. Without fail.

689. They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

690. I had everything I would hope for, but I was not being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was.

691. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly did not like me for being me.

692. When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

693. There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

694. Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

695. Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.

696. As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

697. Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves.

698. Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

699. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

700. I have an unfortunate personality.

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Funny Status for Whatsapp in One Line

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Top 100 Funny Whatsapp Status Ideas - That Will Relieve Your Stress!

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Funny Whatsapp Status Ideas

501. Your attitude may hurt me, but mine can even kill you.

502. I hate it when you have to be nice to something you really want to throw a brick at.

503. My life, my rules so, keep your nose out of my business!!!

504. I am not lazy, I am just on my energy saving mode.

505. When killing them with kindness does not work, try a basketball bat. Results may vary.

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506. A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You cannot go anywhere until you change it.

507. If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

508. When I am quiet, those that do not know me look at me and think I am shy. People who know me think: OMG! She is thinking! Everyone run for your life.

509. Society is funny. They ask you to be yourself and yet they judge you.

510. I stopped fighting my inner demons. We are on the same side now.

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511. Minds are like parachutes – they only function when open.

512. Girls are like abstract painting, even though you cannot understand them, they are still beautiful.

513. I may look calm. But in my head I have killed you about 5 times.
514. You never know what you have until. You clean your room.

515. If you are talking about me behind my back that just means my life is obviously more interesting than yours.

516. My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.

517. I am actually a nice person. Until you piss me off.

518. I am smiling. That alone should scare you.

519. Apparently I have an attitude. Who knew!

520. I love everybody. Some I love to be around, Some I love to avoid and others I would love to punch in the face.

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521. I do not have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem and that is not my problem.

522. I am not perfect, but I am limited edition.

523. I am having technical difficulties with my attitude today. I apologize for my inconvenience this may cause you. Avoidance is suggested for safety.

524. If you are arguing with a woman and she says “wow” you’re done abort the argument immediately.

525. Our phone fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

526. Sometimes I pretend to be normal but it gets boring so; I go back to being me.

527. Just remember that if you fall I will be there to pick you up. As soon as I finish laughing.

528. It is funny, how when I am loud, people tell me to be quiet. But when I am Quiet, People ask me what is wrong with me.

529. Do not give me your attitude, unless you want mine.

530. I would like to apologize to anyone. I have not yet offended. Please be patient. I will get back to you shortly.

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531. God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world then he made the world round and laughed and laughed.

532. Love me or hate me I am still going to shine.

533. I am not cranky. I just have a violent reaction to stupid people.

534. An attitude is an inward thought that wiggles its way out.

535. There can be no positive result through negative attitude. Think positive. Live positive.

536. People like me great.

537. People do not like me great.

538. As long as I like myself that all that matters.

539. Keep your face towards the sunshine, you will never see the shadow.

540. I do not care what you think of me!

541. Unless you think I am awesome – in which case, you are right! Carry on.

542. Life: Besides gravity, nothing keeps me down.

543. Do not run after him who tries to avoid you!

544. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you do not mind, it does not matter.

544. Attitude is not what you learn from school, it is part of your nature from within.

545. Grey hair is God's graffiti.

546. You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

547. Some people only get called by their nicknames. Usually it sounds weird to even say their real name.

548. Everyone has a friend who laughs funnier than he jokes.

549. You are just jealous because we act retarded in public but people still love us!

550. I love my crazy, goofy, stupid, gorgeous, weird, lame, socially challenged friends.

551. You are the friend I would feel the worst about killing in a post-apocalyptic death match for food.

552. We all have that one friend, how needs to learn how to Whisper.

553. A friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself.

554. Best friends are the ones who hate the same stuff.

555. If you have crazy friends, you have everything.

556. No matter how serious life gets you still going to have that one person you can be completely stupid with.

557. True friends do not judge each other, they judge other people together.

558. Nothing makes you happier than your friend’s failure.

559. It is nice to have someone in your life, who can make you smile even when they are not around.

560. Friendship is, hiding their stuff and watching them go nuts.

561. We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up after I finish laughing.

562. Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness and shenanigans.

563. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

564. To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.

565. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

566. I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

567. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

568. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

569. No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.

570. People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

571. Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity.

572. There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

573. Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

574. Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's who you are. Do not try to be someone that society wants you to be; that's stupid. So be yourself.

575. A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

576. My fake plants died because. I did not pretend to water them.

577. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

578. Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

579. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

580. We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I do not know.

581. Roses are red, violets are blue, I am schizophrenic, and so am I.

582. Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

583. A nickel are not worth a dime anymore.

584. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

585. I am sorry, if you were right, I would agree with you.

586. As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

587. Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

588. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

589. If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

590. I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

591. Age is something that does not matter, unless you are a cheese.

592. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

593. I can resist everything except temptation.

594. If you are going to do something tonight that you will be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

594. Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

595. If women ran the world we would not have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

596. Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.

597. Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

598. I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

599. If you have not got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

600. Never fight an inanimate object.

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Funny Whatsapp Status Ideas

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Top 100 Status for Whatsapp Funny in English - That NAIL Your Profile!

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Status for Whatsapp Funny in English

401. Time, indeed, is a sacred gift, and each day is a little life.

402. Successful people are the ones who think up things for the rest of the world to keep busy at.

403. No day should pass without something being done.

404. In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.

405. One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade.

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406. Never think you have reached success for when you do then you start the slide down.

407. If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.

408. Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

409. The woman who tells her age is either too young to have anything to lose or too old to have anything to gain.

410. Humor is most powerful thing that uses laughter as it base to chase your blues away.

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411. Do not carry a grudge. While you're carrying the other guy's out dancing.

412. If a book about failures does not sell, is it a success.

413. Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.

414. If I would know I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.

415. Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.

416. Given a choice of weapons with you sir, I should choose grammar.

417. In a child's lunch box are a mother's thoughts.

418. A business like an automobile, has to be driven, in order to get results.

419. There is no strength in numbers when you are wrong.

420. Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.

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421. The ability to change one's views without losing one's seat is the mark of a great politician.

422. Too often we visit the well of divine abundance with a teacup instead of a bucket.

423. Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare.

424. You cannot expect to meet the challenges of today with yesterday's tools and expect to be in business tomorrow.

425. Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.

426. Sing with the showers and dance with the flowers.

427. Problems are opportunities in work clothes.

428. I think you can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.

429. A concentrated mind will pierce a rock.

430. Humor is a great way to lighten any atmosphere, and laughing is a surefire way to brighten your outlook.

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431. Just having knowledge is like having a bunch of things in the attic – sure you will use it someday but in the meantime it just clogs up space!

432. What matters is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight of the dog.

433. Live within your harvest.

434. The answers to life's biggest questions are not found on Google.

435. We must hang together, or surely we shall hang separately.

436. We can see a thousand miracles around us every day. What is more supernatural than an egg yolk turning into a chicken.

437. Read a lot when you are on vacation, but nothing that has to do with your business.

438. There is no experience better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.

439. It is a funny old life man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.

440. Life is an error-making and an error-correcting process.

441. If you go to bed at night and think about your day and you have not laughed very much, then you must jump out of bed and go do something fun.

442. You cannot stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.

443. Funny, the moment you get someone else worrying, you stop worrying yourself.

444. Remember the old adage; you can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

445. A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.

446. Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

447. Laughter has no foreign accent.

448. It is not the men in my life that counts .

449. Laughter is the best medicine but if you laugh for no reason, you need medicine.

450. Life is an onion which one peels crying.

451. The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

452. Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire.

453. May your life be like toilet paper. Long and useful.

454. We did not lose the game, we just ran out of time.

455. People will sit up and take notice of you if you will sit up and take notice of what makes them sit up and take notice.

456. A happy family is but an earlier heaven.

457. I would like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off.

458. In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
459. I do not have a lifestyle. I have a life.

460. The longer they wait, the better they like it.

461. Insults are the arguments used by those who are in the wrong.

462. Misfortune does not come with a bell on its neck.

463. The difficult thing about children is that they come with no instructions. You pretty well have to assemble them on your own.

464. The trouble with the rat race is even if you win, you are still a rat.

465. Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.

466. Complain a lot and people will hear you but not listen.

467. Marriage is forever. It's like cement.

468. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

469. God gives the nuts, but he does not crack them.

470. The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

471. Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

472. If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

473. The first great gift we can bestow on others is a good example.

474. Twins are so practical. It's always nice to have a spare.

475. As you grow older, you will find that the only things you regret are the things you did not do.

476. Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.

477. Young people tell you what they are doing, old people what they have done, and fools what they wish to do.

478. Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries.

479. You aren't wealthy until you have something money cannot buy.

480. To give alms is nothing unless you give thought also.

481. If you wish to live long you must be willing to grow old.

482. Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they do not have for something they do not need.

483. It are not nothing to find no starting place in the world. You just start from where you find yourself.

484. Money will not buy you happiness; but it keeps you in touch with your children.

485. Every sale has five basic obstacles: no need, no money, no hurry, no desire, no trust.

486. Wrinkles are ditches that the gods have dug for our tears.

487. Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.

488. Life's a tough proposition but the first hundred years are the hardest.

489. Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.

490. The only things one never regrets are one's mistakes.

491. You are not as young as you used to be. But you are not as old as you are going to be.

492. I have changed my mind. Yeah, does it work any better.

493. Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little.

494. Wisdom likes not chance.

495. Too many captains run the ship aground.

496. A good smile is magic pill that can make you feel good in every circumstances of life.

497. Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor.

498. There are three sides to every story: yours, his and the truth.

499. Life is the only game where the object of the game is to figure out what the rules are.

500. I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things are not what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.

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Status for Whatsapp Funny in English

Related Tags: Status for Whatsapp Funny in English, Best Funny Status for Whatsapp in One Line, Funny Quotes for Whatsapp Status, Funny Whatsapp Status for Girls/Boys.

Top 100 Funny Status for Whatsapp in English { Worth Laughing Over! }

Funny Status for Whatsapp in English: Now You Need To Pick Anyone Of These Funny Status / Funny Quotes for Your Facebook & Whatsapp Profile. Best Funny Status for Whatsapp in One Line, Funny Quotes for Whatsapp Status, Funny Whatsapp Status for Girls/Boys.

Funny Status for Whatsapp in English

301. When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard“, I am always tempted to ask, “Compared to what”.

302. The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.

303. A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

304. I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.

305. The elevator to success is out of order. You will have to use the stairs, one step at a time.

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306. Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

307. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He will not expect it back.

308. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

309. The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.

310. If at first you do not succeed, then skydiving definitely is not for you.

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311. When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration.

312. We do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.

313. I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.
314. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I have finished two bags of M and Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

315. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

316. The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

317. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

318. If you do not know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.

319. Age is of no importance unless you are a cheese.

320. There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

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321. It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.

322. The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.

323. It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I could not give it up because by then I was too famous.

324. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.

325. Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.

326. Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.

327. The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm.

328. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

329. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.

330. I cannot afford to waste my time making money.

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331. You cannot wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.

332. Do not worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

333. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

334. I did not fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

335. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.

336. You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You are on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who will decide where to go.

337. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

338. Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.

339. Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.

340. Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

341.  You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

342. I have met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life, but you – you are 20 minutes.

343. Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavour.

344. Watching a person who successfully loses fifty pounds and changes her life is more inspirational than listening to a fitness coach with a perfect body.

345. Want is a growing giant whom the coat of Have was never large enough to cover.

346.  People often say that motivation does not last. Well, neither does bathing; that’s why we recommend it daily.

347. As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.

348. Lucille Ball taught me that the best comedy need never be cruel to be funny.

349. If you are going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.

350. The great thing about getting older is that you do not lose all the other ages you have been.

351. Prom night was one of the worst nights of my life. My girlfriend looked fantastic … The problem was, so did her date.

352.  I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches.

353. By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity - another man's, I mean.

354. When science finally locates the centre of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they are not it.

355. Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.

356. Running a multimillion dollar business can feel like a piece of cake when facing a defiant and dramatic teenage daughter.

357. I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

358. You must learn from the mistakes of others. You cannot possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.

359. I have learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the ways he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

360. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.

361. Try walking forward while looking over your shoulder and see how far you get. The same goes for life. Look forward!

362. For some, life is like a river. It becomes overpowering, uncontrollable and sometimes wild.

363. A turkey never voted for an early Christmas.

364. It is funny, I spent the first half of my life desperately trying not to become my mother, and now I am spending the second half of my life desperately hoping to become half the woman that she is.

365. Life without Christ is like a vacuum cleaner without the electrical cord plugged in. It has no power to suck up the dirt.

366. Life only delivers to people that create their own postal code.

367. The successful know that the road to success is always under construction; they understand the roughness of it and never expected it to be smooth.

368. Yesterday, I forgot how a friend hurt my feelings. Today, I forgot what I did to make him mad.

369. Eliminating procrastination from our lives is like trying to stop a moving train; it's not easy.

370. Life is short. Eat dessert first.

371. When you mention you have a teen daughter to someone, facial expressions turn sympathetic, as if you have just disclosed a serious medical issue.

372. Chairs were created because someone, somewhere, wanted to solve a big problem: sitting on rocks causes sore bottoms.

373. There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

374. It is a funny thing about life you get back what you put into it.

375. An old dog can learn new tricks. If your enthusiasm has lost its vitality, do everything possible to revive it.

376. I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.

377. A boat does not go forward if each is rowing his own way.
378. The only time I do not have any problems in this world is when I am already six feet below the ground.

379. You will be richer in the end than a prince, if you are a friend.

380. Age is a high price to pay for maturity.

381. When you pray be careful of how you respond to what you get. I read somewhere that if you pray for rain do not complain about the mud!

382. Do not judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seed that you plant.

383. Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects.

384. Make allowances for your friends' imperfections as readily as you do for your own.

385. The world is plentiful with honey, but only the humble bee can collect it.

386. Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor's degree And women gets her master's degree.

387. Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.

388. So, if you feel a smile begin, do not leave it undetected, let's start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected!

389. All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.

390. A mother is the best friend God ever gave.

391. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you do not mind, it does not matter.
392. In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins: cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later.

393. To be successful, regardless of the field, one needs to be a participant in the field of battle, rather than a spectator.

394. A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them.

395. To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.

396. Goal setting is similar to travelling from point A to point B within a city. If you clearly understand what the goal is, you will definitely reach the destination because you know its address.

397. If you do not understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.

398.
Wisdom has two parts: 
1. Having a lot to say.
2. Not saying it.

399. He has a heart of gold - only harder.

400. Our snooze button does not have the power to delay the sun from rising in the morning. Time simply does not wait for anyone.

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Funny Status for Whatsapp in English

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Top 100 Funny Crazy Whatsapp Status in English - You Will Die Laughing!

Funny Crazy Whatsapp Status in English: Our most crazy collection, here is the list of Crazy Funny Whatsapp Status in English for you. You can pick any of the funny crazy whatsapp status for your status bar.

Funny Crazy Whatsapp Status in English

1. I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode.

2. Hey there Whatsapp is using me.

3. Girls use photoshop to look beautiful.. Boys use photoshop to show their creativity.

4. You can never buy Love... But still you have to pay for it...

5. Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?

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6. I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!

7. My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death...

8. Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook.

9. Save water - Drink beer!

10. Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software... it's called Monday, please fix it.

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11. Always wear cute pajamas to bed you'll never know who you will meet in your dreams.

12. God is really creative, I mean just look at me :P

13. Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.

14. When I'm on my death bed, I want my final words to be 'I left one million dollars in the...'

15. I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.

16. My father always told me, find a job you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life.

17. Life is too short smile while you still have teeth...

18. My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.

19. I'm jealous of my parents... I'll never have a kid as cool as theirs!

20. Here my dad comes on whatsapp... From now on my status would be '***no status***' or just a smiley...

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21. Don't kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not.

22. Friends are forever, until they get in a relationship :P

23. C.L.A.S.S - Come late and start sleeping :)

24. People who exercise live longer, but what's the point when those extra years are spent at gym.

25. Relationship Status: Looking for a FREE WiFi connection.

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100 Funny Crazy Whatsapp Status in English

26. It may look like I'm deep in thought, but 99% of the time I'm just thinking about what food to eat later.

27. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

28. Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.

29. We are WTF generation .... WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook :D

30. Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. LOL

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31. This is the beginning of the sentence you just finished reading.

32. WoW now I’m a graduate... Now thermometer is not the only thing that has degrees without brains.

33. Me and my wife lived happily for 25 years and then we met…

34. Good Morning, let the stress begin...

35. Don’t settle for good. Demand Great!

36. Hakuna Matata – The great motto to live life!

37. Price is what you pay. Value is what you get.

38. Eat - Sleep - Regret - Repeat.

39. Sometimes i just wish i’ could fast forward the time to see if in the end it’s all worth it.

40. Move on...

Best Whatsapp Status in English

41. People are like music some say the truth and rest, just noise.

42. We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.

43. It’s not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.

44. Love is that state of mind when a karan johar film becomes bearable.

45. Dream as if you’ll live forever... Live as if tomorrow is last one.

46. Always remember you are UNIQUE - Just like everybody else.

47. You don’t have to like me... I am not a facebook status.

48. The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.

49. Don’t be too optimistic. The light at the end of the tunnel may be another train.

50. At last got to know how to loose weight in 10 days: Just turn your head right then left and repeat whenever offered any food :)

100 Funny Crazy Whatsapp Status in English

51. Life is too short. Don't waste it removing pen drive safely.

52. Whatsapp status is loading...

53. Think about it ..every time we look back at ourselves five years ago we think we were an idiot.

54. Happiness is when 'Last seen at' changes to 'Online' and then to 'Typing...'

55. I was not busy to be online… I had just gave up on my life when I picked up this girls phone and saw my contact name as 'Free Recharge'

56. I Am Not Special, I Am Just Limited Edition!

57. I’am looking for a bank loan which can perform two things..give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.

58. Math Rule: If it seems easy, you’re doing it wrong.

59. They say we learn from our mistakes. So, I'm making as many as possible! Soon I will be a genius :-B

60. Waiting for Wi-Fi Network...

Best Status for Whatsapp in English

61. Sleep till you’re hungry... Eat till you’re sleepy.

62. There are 3 types of people in the world- vegetarian, non-vegetarian and Tuesday / Saturday

63. Coins always make sound but the currency notes are always silent! that’s why I’m always calm and silent...

64. One day, I’m gonna make the onions cry.

65. Second chances are for losers, either we do it in first place or live it for others.

66. Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.

67. We live in a society were pizza gets to your house before police

68. One wise guy invented mobile application Whatsapp and his wife added last seen feature...

69. Don’t be happy.I don’t Really forgive people,I just pretend like it’s ok and wait for my turn to destroy them.

70. Jealousy = I actually care about you.

Crazy Whatsapp Status in English

71. Once a cheater always a repeater...

72. FACT: Every piece of plastic ever made still exists. Say no to Plastic.

73. I wanna be nice but some people are so annoying.

74. I'm soo poor... I can't even pay attention

75. I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them...

100 Funny Crazy Whatsapp Status in English

76. It's cute when your crush's crush is uuh ;-)

77. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.

78. if your dog barks and enemies laugh take it serious.

79. Vegetarians, if you want animals to live, why do you eat their food.

80. I will marry the girl, who look pretty in her Adhaar card.

Crazy Status for Whatsapp in English

81. Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

82. After marriage, the other man’s wife looks more beautiful.

83. Act crazy, don't regret, do things you would never ever do because life is short so live it up! :)

84. I will kill you with my awesomeness...

85. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

86. The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

87. I shouldn't have to earn you time or attention, you should want to give it!

88. Remember how you treated me so when I treat you like that you can understand why!

89. Silence doesn't always mean you're mad... sometimes it just means you have nothing to say.

90. I'm so awesome that I wish I could be you, just so I could hang out with me!

Funny Crazy Whatsapp Status in English

91. That awkward moment when the awkward moment get even more awkward!

92. Totally available! Please disturb me...

93. Nothing is lost until mom can't find it.

94. Why is it so easy to fall asleep in class then in bed.

95. Single doesn't always mean available...

96. Silence is the loudest words you can speak sometimes when you want to be heard more.

97. I am crazy and hyper but that is 2 reasons why I am lovable.

98. the best one night stand is masturbation...you get to play with p#%^y and don't have explain why later...lol

99. When I'm good, I'm very good and when I'm bad, I'm sensational!

100. I can only bottle so much inside, and right now, I've got more bottled up than a Coca-Cola factory.

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Related Tags: Short Crazy Status in English, Best Crazy Whatsapp Status, Crazy Status for Whatsapp, Crazy Status Messages Updates, Funny Crazy Status, Status for Crazy Friends

Top 100 Hilarious Funny Status for Whatsapp in English

Funny Whatsapp Status: We have collected the Most Funnest & Coolest WhatsApp & Facebook Status in English for you. Now share funny status with your friends.

Hilarious Funny Status for Whatsapp in English

1. When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the...

2. Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.

3. We all have that one skinny friend that eats more than fat person.

4. I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.

5. I think my iPhone is not working. I pressed the home button and I’m still at school.

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6. Life is short... smile while you still have teeth.

7. If you can't Change a Girl.....Change the Girl.

8. That awkward moment when you realize that “deleting History” is more important than “creating History” nowadays.

9. Women should not have children after 20. Really… 20 children are enough.

10. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

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11. Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.

12. God is really creative, I mean...just look at me :P

13. AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.

14. Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.

15. I love my job only when I’m on vacation.

16. We live in the era of smartphones and stupid peoples.

17. Facebook account for sale, Friends included.

18. Google just called… Google said, “Someone is looking for you”.

19. Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?

20. The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

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21. If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.

22. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

23. We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.

24. I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?

25. There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

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100 Funny Status in English for WhatsApp & Facebook

26. I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?

27. Without ME, it’s just AWESO.

28. There are no winners in life... only survivors.

29. Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.

30. I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.

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31. I don’t have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.

32. Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.

33. By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.

34. Our generation doesn’t knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we’re outside.

35. After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says WTF !!

36. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

37. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

38. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

39. I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!

40. We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t know.

Best Funny Status for Whatsapp in English

41. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

42. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

43. Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

44. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

45. The real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have to live with women.

46. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

47. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

48. By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

49. No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.

50. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

100 Funny Status in English for WhatsApp & Facebook

51. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

52. Some people should just give up at engineering or medical. Like I have!

53. We live in the era of smartphones and stupid peoples.

54. Doing nothing is very hard thing to do…you never know when to finish.

55. I love my job only when I’m on vacation.

56. AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.

57. Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.

58. God is really creative, I mean...just look at me :P

59. My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours

60. I'm not lazy, I'm just on my energy saving mode.

Short Funny Whatsapp Status in English

61. Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.

62. I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won.

63. God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China.

64. Whenever i have a problem, I just sing, Then i realize my voice is worse than my problem.

65. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

66. Women should not have children after 20. Really… 20 children are enough.

67. That awkward moment when you realize that 'Deleting History' is more important than 'Creating History' nowadays.

68. If you can't Change a Girl.....Change the Girl.

69. When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…

70. I think my iPhone is not working. I pressed the home button and I’m still at school.

Short Funny Status for Whatsapp in English

71. I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.

72. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

73. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

74. We all have that one skinny friend that eats more than fat person.

75. Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.

100 Funny Status in English for WhatsApp & Facebook

76. life is short…smile while you still have teeth.

77. Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?

78. When a woman says WHAT? Its not because she didn't hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

79. How do people write an auto biography? I can barley remember what I had for lunch yesterday.

80. Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will you please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.

Funny Whatsapp Status Quotes

81. A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

82. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

83. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

84. Seeing a spider is nothing. The problem is when it disappears.

85. I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button

86. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

87. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

88. You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

89. I’ve been using Google for 10 years and I have no idea who uses the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.

90. I want to change my name on Facebook to “No One,” so when I try to add people, it will say, “No One wants to be your friend.”

Best Whatsapp Status Quotes

91. Reason why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. I don’t have a girlfriend.

92. Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.

93. I find it so inspiring to watch people lazier then me. I still have much to learn.

94. There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life

95. Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

96. I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.

97. She is so fake that she should have two facebook accounts; one for each face!

98. Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she’s not coming back.

99. I'm not lazy, I'm just on my energy saving mode.

100. I look at people sometimes and think... Really? That’s the sperm that won.

100 Funny Status in English for WhatsApp & Facebook

Best Whatsapp Status in English

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